THE WAR ON FUN

THE WAR ON FUN.
FIGHT IT!
BECAUSE THE AMS SURE ISN'T.

The VP finance, who we just re-elected, decided to cancel toonie tuesdays. It's a shame, because that and the balanced budget were the only two good things he did... wait... make that the only thing... wait... make that the only fomrer thing.

That's right. With an unbalanced budget and no more toonie tuesdays, he's officially done... nothing, in his year in office. And now, he has a mandate to do it all again.

Congrats, VP Tayyar. Now you can go on vacation for the year, and not leave us any worse off. That's some damn clever posturing. I appreciate cleverness. In fact, I'd drink to it, but... you know... I can't afford to... anymore...

CAUGHT RED HANDED, SPECIAL FEATURE
Join in solidarity with our comrads (but not the commi kind, ew) in California, as they do their part in war on fun. This is a conflict with many fronts.

http://www.stopthewaronfun.org/

Caught Red Handed Honored For Defending America

Caught Red Handed Honored For Defending America

Gordon Katic Becomes 'Campus Left' Columnist for Ubyssey

Gordon Katic Becomes Campus Left Columnist for Ubyssey

Congrats, Gord. I knew the Ubyssey was missing SOOOMETHING. I just wasn't sure what. The left! Of course! How could I have forgot? So many right of center columnists, and so few to get out the message of UBC's small, fledgling leftist population.

NAAAWT.

Maybe you could just rename it the People's Times and use red ink.

Silver lining:
Maybe more leftist coverage in campus' most read publication will be able to mobilize normal students to go to an SJC meeting... at which point, they'll realize how completely insane the SJC is and join me in campaigning for its swift, wholesale liquidation.

THIS JUST IN

THIS JUST IN

CAUGHT RED HANDED found to contain more words than an engineering student will write in his/her (who are we kidding... his) entire lifetime. Engineers reacted to this news by making weird noises, pounding some beers, putting on letterman jackets, and dangling something big from something tall.

Three Ideas That Would Improve UBC Immediately

Three Ideas That Would Improve UBC Immediately

Take heed oh newly elected leaders, here are three simple  ideas that could be put into place immediately and would just as quickly have an enormously positive effect on the student body.

1. Do Stuff YOU Can Do, While You Lobby Other People To Do Other Stuff

I know you AMS types have an obsession with tuition fees and land use planning and rapid transit and other things that will never really effect any students at UBC right now (except perhaps for the SJC which tends to cultivate forty somethings who stick around for quite some time). I know that long term grand scale stuff is important to you. Fine. Do it. Lobby. Build the skytrain yourselves, if you want. Just make sure that's not all you're doing. You could immeasurably improve the student experience by making campus cooler with events and school-wide programming. Integrate the fraternities and sororities more into mainstream campus life, the way you find on many American campuses. The key to getting students engaged isn't some open forum on something boring is a dark little room in the SUB on a Tuesday night. Think big. Thin exciting. Think partay. While you wait for other, less reliable institutions to come through for you, do the things you can do independently to realize immediate success. 

2. [Re]Watch all the great college movies ever made. THAT is what college should be like. Make it happen.

So this is pretty straight forward. Just be sure to repeat it regularly. Oh and public screenings, though not a substitute for private AMS ones, would be good too. In case you need some suggestions, the following are required watching: Animal House; Back to School; the Paper Chase; Revenge of the Nerds. 

3. When you plan events, plan them for everybody. 

The AMS shouldn't plan events for the AMS. The AMS should plan events for the students at large. It's not enough to have an event wherein a representative from each faculty does something cool on behalf of the thousands of students they represent. Make things happen that actually involve the majority of students. I know it's tough, but if you could do it once or twice a semester, it would dramatically change the character of the campus. 

Thank You, Mr. President

Thank You, Mr. President

The controversy over the message of thanks directed at our president Bijan was staggering. The complexity of the issues surrounding the creation of ithank.ca belies the simplicity of its message. The discussions that followed the website, which included some of the most involved discussions ever held anywhere on subject of mint patties, ignored the heart of the website's purpose. Even as arrogant early-twenty-somethings bemoaned the impressionable nature of 18 year old first years with a level of arrogance and superiority that would be have been off-putting had it come from an aged monarch, they failed to address the real issue.

The real issue of course, the one that Bijan's enemies delicately tried to avoid, is that Bijan is worthy of our sincere thanks.

If Bijan is older than most students pursuing a double degree in business and law, it's because he's devoted so much of himself to this university and its student society. We may forget his service, but I don't suspect we, or students that follow, will soon forget the results of his tenure.

The meaningful progress on the new SUB, perhaps the most ambitious project embarked upon by ours our any student union since the building of our last SUB, will surely be jewel in his crown of merit. Improving university/AMS relations to a level that would have been unimaginable twelve months earlier will be up there too. By creating meaninful dialogue with the school, Bijan has set up his successor for success.

And did all this without any UN assistance. Remarkable, eh Blake?

So thank you Mr. President, not just for your work in office this past year, but for your decade of service to this institution.

By the way, you're one HELL OF A DANCER.

Respect for the Office and the Man

A Pre-Inaugural Message for President Elect McElroy, from Caught Red Handed

Jeremy McElroy will be the 102nd President of the Alma Matar Society. That fact is now well established. Established, to be sure, amid controversy, but established nonetheless.

Caught Red Handed did not endorse Jeremy McElroy. Caught Red Handed called for his resignation following the websitegate scandal. Most recently, Caught Red Handed called for a blue ribbon commission to investigate the websitegate scandal, determine its facts including possible deterministic effects on the results of the presidential election, and report to the Student Council and the students at large this information and possible courses of action.

But politics are dynamic. Policies that made sense last year, or for that matter, yesterday, may not make sense tomorrow. Ignorance is the unwillingness to change view in light of new information. None of the actions previously called for in relation to websitegate or President McElroy's impending presidency make sense anymore, given the social and political climate of the UBC and the AMS.

Caught Red Handed, therefore, is obliged to extend Mr. McElroy the respect he is due, as the soon-to-be president of our beloved student union. He will be the leader and the highest manifestation of student authority at UBC held by any individual person. As such, he demands, and deserves, our respect.

I took several days to meditate and reflect on McElroy's apology for websitegate.
(It can be found here: http://www.votejeremy.com/2011/01/an-open-apology/ )
 
Apologies, especially political ones, may have many motivations. There is no doubt that this apology was written with an eye toward pacifying the upset over the scandal. In the past, I raised further questions about its late date of issue. Nonetheless, after careful reading, I find there is a genuine apology at its core. A genuine desire, moral as well as I'm sure, practical, to go back and undo what had been done.

At the last AMS meeting, our dear president Bijan also apologized. Amid criticisms of Bijan, McElroy, and the AMS at large, it is essential to remember that humans are fallible. The cause for concern should not be those who carefully accept this fallibility, but rather, those who attempt to deny it. Those who deny their fallibility are surely the most flawed.

McElroy says, in the apology, that he is ashamed of his actions. I don't doubt that. They were shameful. But there is nothing to be gained from dwelling on the past. Everyone has done things of which they are not proud. There is a courage required to accept this, and continue. This is the courage of the gentleman who accepts his fundamental human limitations but does not cede to them more than he must, who begins everyday determined to do his best in spite of them. This is the message of McElroy's apology, and it is a good one.

Any lingering concerns I had about the apology were assuaged last Wednesday. The AMS meeting on Wednesday demonstrated to me that Mr. McElroy deserves more than the minimum of respect with which his office may afford him. His conduct since websitegate, and at other times in the campaign, was nothing if not honorable.

Most notably, his decision to abstain on a tremendously unjustified motion censuring our current president, Bijan, deserves respect and admiration. The animosity between McElroy and Bijan is clear to all. McElroy's decision, though perhaps motivated in some part by self interest - censuring a president ostensibly for election misconduct would be a dangerous precedent for him to set for reasons which should presently be quite clear -  was, I think, fundamentally rooted in his acknowledgment that he could never be impartial in such a vote.

McElroy must have had an emotional and political desire to see Bijan censured, yet he abstained. There can be little doubt that this, and the rest of his conduct during the most recent AMS meeting foretold a genuine, mature desire to set aside differences and get into the real business of governing.

It is that business of governing, after all, that McElroy has sought to do throughout his extensive involvement with the AMS.

Caught Red Handed does not flip flop. Even during my most honest and scathing criticism of websitegate, I never doubted McElroy's sincere desire and eminent ability to lead the AMS, if given the proper mandate. It looks as thought he has received the mandate he needed.

President Elect McElroy - you have our respect.  We respect your restraint, your maturity, and your authority.

Now I urge you to use all those to the most honorable ends. Improve our student union and our school. Be honest and open and transparent. Don't get caught in conflicts. Not within your executive, not within the AMS, and not with the university, the province, or the federal government. Seek cooperation and genuinely positive change. If you do, we will support you.

Even if you make decisions and pursue policies that we consider destructive, we will continue to respect your authority and your office so long as you uphold the democratic values it represents.

I remember when Rush Limbaugh, a radio host for whom I previously had substantial respect, publicly expressed his desire the United States should suffer and flounder, so that the American people would see the mistake they made in electing President Obama. I've never thought of Rush the same way since. I had been a McCain supporter since well before his intention to run for president in 2008 had been declared. I thought, and still think, McCain was the right choice for the United States. But to hope for your people to suffer for any kind of political gain is among the most heinous forms of treason. All more heinous because it lacks even the grand, if misguided narrative of a true rebel.

Caught Red Handed is not Rush Limbaugh. We do not wish you fail, Mr President Elect. We wish you, and our student union, every success. Don't let us down.

It is no secret that you have strong allies in the campus media, Mr. McElroy. Your cousin edits the UBC. Your girlfriend is similarly involved in its publication. AMS Insiders endorsed you and its editor has publicly supported you. AMS Condifential also endorsed you, and shares with you intimate personal connections too complex to state here. They may sing your praises, but I would encourage not to look to them, tempting as it may be, for an evaluation of the job you're doing.

The Shah of Iran was deposed because he listened to the wrong people. In the weeks before the revolution that threw him into the exile in which he would eventually die, the United States could have easily intervened on his behalf, indefinitely safeguarding his regime. They didn't because he didn't ask them to. He didn't ask them to because right up until the end, his own security team - top notch by any metric - was telling him everything was fine. Of course, they had good reason to. The Shah didn't like bad news. And nobody wanted to give it to him. His intelligence services, well acquainted with the terminal risks to his reign, fed him good news to save their own lives - ultimately at the expense of his government's (he died in exile of natural causes, his government died in terror made by men). Don't listen to those who have every desire to feed you good news and well wishes. Listen to Caught Red Handed, and its ilk. I'll be fair, but thorough.

I suspect you'll have little difficulty listening to the independent blogosphere right now. Caught Red Handed, among others, are eager to see you succeed. But in times of criticism and crisis when the temptation retreat into your well-regarded inner circle will be greatest, embrace the outer circle the most. It is then that you will need Caught Red Handed more than ever, and it is then that Caught Red Handed will need you. Need you to listen clearly, and act decisively on what you hear.

Do good work, honestly, and I assure you that you won't get CAUGHT, RED HANDED.

On Your Skin, You Know We're Right

If I ever start my own skin care line I want to Barry Goldwater on every product. Look at the guy!
Bright skin full of vitality and so clear you can see right through to his conciencse, the conscience, indeed, of a conservative. Our slogan? On your skin, you know we're right! Because moderation in the pursuit of style is no virtue, and extremism in the defense of skin is no vice.

You gotta love the proto-hipster glasses too.

If you didn't catch the references with which this article is brimming... you probably never will.

Clinique for Me[n]

Clinique for Me[n]

A note on terminology: I don't like the term cosmetics (I'll use it only when absolutely fitting). Neither do I like the word grooming, it sounds like something animals get done to them (again, it's occasionally called for).

My objection to these terms isn't just their feminine (former) or animal (latter) connotations. They're fundamentally inaccurate. Personal care is more closely related to other comprehensive health practices than it is to purely aesthetic ones (like choosing the right deep V). The complexity and chemistry involved in finding good personal care products is more like the complexity and chemistry involved in finding the right foods to eat and the right exercises to do.


Men's personal care companies don't embrace any of the existing terminology either. I predict that in the
next ten years, the industry - and its consumers (like me) - will settle on one word which will become predominant. In the interim, there are all sorts of wacky attempts at circumventing classic terminology.

Clinque, the focus of this article, bills its line of men’s care products simply as 'skin supplies for men'. Supplies? Sounds more like Officemax or Staples than Beautyboutique. But E for effort, Clinque, and way to keep your simple theme and character consistent (more on that later).

Of all the euphemisms and creative copy writing, my favorite belongs to Anthony Logistics for Men. They're so good they even built it into their name. What's their name? Anthony Logistics for Men. What does their range offer? Logistics... for men. Touché.

With your permission, Anthony, I'm going to co-opt your terminology, at least until something better comes up. Okay? Silence implies consent (right, Thomas Moore?). Lovely.
---
Clinique for Me[n]

I've tried a lot of stuff.

I mean a lot.

I mean I go to cosmetics counters and ask about products they don't even know exist (because they were only offered in Europe or the States or direct through the company's website).

In my experience, there are two kinds of lines. There are the kind which, by some combination of luck and magic produce one incredibly good product and the kind which, through consistent application of a superior philosophy produce a range of superior products.

Vichy Homme’s 'Hydramag Chryo Cooling Under Eye Stick' is an example of the former. It's the best cooling eye stick, indeed, the best all round eye product I've tried to date. The rest of their line is exceptionally unexceptional.

Clinique for Men is the latter. Every single product Clinique for Men makes exudes quality and practical utility.

Long before you notice what Clinique does, you'll notice what they don't do. They don’t do gimmicky packages. No putting their products in containers that look like auto parts to get Joe Savage comfortable enough with the idea of taking care of himself that he can buy a 10 dollar shave cream, or, perish the thought, a moisturizer. No bright shiny silver chrome plated Harley-Davidson looking diamond plate boxes. No promises of insta-lust. No promises of anything - except superior skin care.

In truth, it's not just the Joe Savage types that fall prey to pretty packaging. For years before I gave Clinique a try, I was a Biotherm Homme devotee. My first foray in to logistics, beyond Oxi swabs or Addidas cologne was with Biotherm. Their stuff looks sexy. It feels sexy. It's bright and French and their packages are covered in pictures that promise pretty tubes and prettier faces.

Clinique has none of this. Clinique has clinical looking (though resoundingly masculine), plain black boxes. No graphics. Nothing fancy. It's enough to scare you over to something brighter. But I took a big risk and...

I was disappointed - at first. My initial Clinique for Men purchase was a 3.5 'Scruffing Lotion'. It did look kind of cool, a blue liquid in a transparent square plastic bottle (pictured above). I used it once, didn't care for it, and left in my medicine cabinet, to do what it did best: look cool.

And cool it looked, for months, years even. Until... something came over me and I bought Clinique for Men 'Extra Strength Face Soap'. It came in a cool little dish. The dish probably prompted me to purchase it more than anything. Of course, the dish was no extravagance,  just the simplest way to hold the simplest of all cleansers: a bar of soap.

The soap worked well. Really well. Deep cleaning, clean rinsing, and super efficient (after three months I’m half way through my first bar). When I bought the soap, I, like a good logistics consumer, read the literature inside (something I should have done years earlier when I bought the scruffing lotion - oh silly youthful indiscretions). Turns out I’d been using the scruffing lotion the wrong way. It’s not applied gently with a cotton swab, like a traditional toner, but rather with a wash cloth used in vigorous, circular strokes. On top of that, it’s really only effective after using the cleansing soap. So I took the scruffing lotion down from its position of prominent disuse in my medicine cabinet, and started to use it in conjunction with the face soap. What a difference it made! What a team! What a range!

The core of Clinque’s for-men line is their three step system. The first is the face soap (regular or extra strength, depending on your skin type). The second is the scruffing lotion (one of four varieties, again, depending on skin type). The third is a protective moisturizer (either gel or lotion for normal and dry skin, respectively).

Clinque for men is easily my favorite line at the moment. I have been known to be rather fickle about these things, but I am really impressed with their range. I just recently purchased their M Lotion Gel, the ultra light weight daily moisturizer that comprises the third step (above).

I bought their Age Defense eye cream too. Eye creams are probably THE most complex and intricate (not to mention the most expensive) logistics purchase a man will make, and I intend to focus an entire article on them. Without going into detail then, so far, so good.

The only other Clinique for Men product I've purchased was their unscented antiperspirant. Like the rest of the line, its quality is beyond reproach. The cylindrical shape was surprisingly easy to apply, and it's sleek black packaging is a refreshing departure from the adolescent appearance of most antiperspirants. Still, it was lackluster. Not bad and not great, and certainly not worth the 14.00 dollar price tag. Clinique's historical strength is facial care, and that's probably where it should keep its focus. Only the most stalwart brand loyalist would be well advised for follow Clinque into realms best left to Old Spice.

I highly recommend Clinque for Men. Should you choose to purchase any element of their range though, there are a few things you should be aware of. Clinque’s commitment to simplicity means that the texture and character of their products is probably different than anything you’ve used before. For instance, Clinique products are fragrance and dye free. If you’re used to bright, delicious smelling products from the likes of Biotherm or Nivea, it’ll take some getting used to.

But don’t mistake their commitment to simplicity as a green washing move (thanks for the term, Ben Cappellacci). Clinique isn’t all about nature and some exotic mud from a place you can’t pronounce or find on a map. Clinque is about what works: everything that does, nothing that doesn’t. That said, if you’re opposed to using anything that came out of a lab, look elsewhere.

Also note that Clinque products are meant for the serious logistics consumer. They’re somewhat expensive and they’re far from idiot proof. Unlike Vichy’s roll and go stick, it is very easy to overuse the super fine Clinque Age Defense eye cream so be careful. Similarly, the scruffing lotion really requires proper technique for optimal results. You might also have to purchase more (preferably white) washcloths, as you’ll be using at least one per day to apply the lotion.

All together, Clinque for Men is a fantastic line.

Political allies, look sharp. Political opponents, you might as well look sharp too, for the day you get CAUGHT, RED HANDED.

Looking Good Doing It - Part I - Introducing the Other Side of Caught Red Handed

Looking Good Doing It - Part I
Introducing the Other Side of Caught Red Handed

The "and looking good doing it" part of the Caught Red Handed mandate isn't just rhetoric. It's real.
My other great passion, in addition to politics, is men's grooming products.
So while I endorse Lindsay Graham's politics (he's great, btw) I'll also endorse his haircut, his cared-for skin and what appears to be his close, irritation-free shave.

Caught Red Handed will divide its time fairly evenly between reviews of men's grooming products, and scathing political indictments. Having already done a great deal of the latter, it's time for the former.

---

Taylor Loren

Taylor Loren

Now that I have your attention...
No. Just kidding. This post really is about Taylor Loren.
That's because Taylor Loren seems to think Caught Red Handed is anonymous. It's not.
Trouble is: Taylor Loren is a girl about town. Nobody could accuse her of being uninformed about UBC politics. So if SHE can think this blog is anonymous, it's not unreasonable to assume that others think so too.

Of course, if you looked at the bottom of... well... any article, you'd see that it is, in fact, written by ME.

I was especially displeased to hear that someone of Taylor's eminence could think my blog was anonymous because: a) I said hai to Taylor at the AMS meeting b) I don't really like anonymous blogs and don't recognize their place outside of real leak sites (you don't count blackboxtheater). Anonymity is all hearsay. It can't be taken seriously. The accused have no opportunity to cross examine their accusers. Rumors get started (like the one about Hillel funding Bijan) that can never be put to rest because the kind of adversarial dialogue required for a definitive conclusion can't happen. Anonymity is not healthy for a political blog. That's why I chose to take full credit for Caught Red Handed, from day one. 

Who am I?
Julian 'McCarthy' .
Who is Julian 'McCarthy'?

A political, slightly metrosexual man from Toronto who loves New York, dabbles in philosophy and theology, and currently resides in Vancouver. Between you and me, Taylor, I'm not even very conservative. I'm a genuine moderate. On campus, that puts me just right of Karl Rove. In truth though, I really am moderate. You don't believe me. But look, I'll prove it.

I do support the Conservative Party of Canada, true, but that is really more about my support for being fiscally and internationally responsible. Except for differences on taxes (which are more technical than political) and the Conservatives' stronger support for the armed forces (always a good idea), the Conservatives aren't too different from the Liberals, long considered Canada's most central political party.

The thing is that in Canada, due to the political climate, the Constitution and the make-up of our Supreme Court, there really isn't any dimension of social conservatism (issues on which I'd tend more to radical center). After the same sex marriage debate ended for the last time, the book was essentially closed on issues of social politics in this country. Abortion is legal. It always will be. It's a Constitutional thing that nobody can change. And there are no mainstream voices calling for change. That's why there is no pro-life/pro-choice discourse in Canadian politics. For what it's worth, I'm pro-choice.

Gay marriage is the same deal. Again, I'm for it, with the obvious qualification that it should not be forced upon religious groups. The whole notion of state marriage is a tricky one, but so long as it exists, two people - be they men or women or... otherwise - should be able partake of its privileges. Religions should be, and are, able to marry who ever they want according to their own tenants.

So on abortion... pro choice. On gay marriage... pro choice.

On gun control, I'm strongly opposed. I feel like the issue really warrants its own post. Suffice it to say that when catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.

Foreign policy is probably the realm in which I'm most conservative. But it's also the realm in which traditional definitions of conservative and liberal tend to fall apart. I take objection, for instance, to many of the so-called conservative isolationists who have grown in popularity of late. I'm for a strong, interventionist foreign policy. I believe that increased American/Canadian and NATO participation in world affairs, both politically and diplomatically, is good for us, and the rest of the world.

I am realistic about the war on terror. I am neither interested in prosecuting an impossible war, nor in surrender. I am familiar with the existential threat that extremism poses to our way of life, and I invite its swift destruction through the most expeditious, moral means available.

In the United States, I would probably be a very moderate Republican or Democrat, so close to center, in fact, that it wouldn't really matter which. (I'd probably be a Republican though, because their radicals annoy me less than the dems' radicals do, and because Abraham Lincoln was a Republic, and come on, he was ABRAHAM FREAKIN LINCOLN! That and their logo is an elephant. I LOVE elephants.)

So there you have it: yet another dastardly liberal myth defeated on Caught Red Handed.

Slaters Gonna Slate

photo cred: gordon katic

hai SJC

"the only thing liberal on this website is the use of ellipses marks." - Gordon Katic

"the only thing liberal on this website is the use of ellipses marks." - Gordon Katic, Prominent SJC member, Vice President of Allies, former Vice Presidential Candidate 


That's high praise, Gordon. High praise.

"It's not about the aid"! - SJC

DIRECT QUOTE:

"the key here was never aid... the Gaza flotilla has always been about putting pressure on Israel to lift the blockade"- prominent SJC member, Allies Vice President and former Vice Presidential Candidate, Gordon Katic 

So if the real goal is putting pressure on Israel. The residents of Gaza are doing A-okay right now. See video for more info.

But if there were to be a humanitarian crisis in Gaza, it WOULD put pressure on Israel to respond. And I contend that the SPHR would like this. Their goal isn't the people of Gaza. Their goal is anti-Israeli. They want to use Palestinian suffering, real, or as in this case, imagined, to put pressure on Israel.  

Supporters of Israel, like me, want a prosperous community in Gaza that has a bright future. Such a community would be eager to work toward that bright future, and would have no time or inclination for self destructive hate and terrorism. Anti-Israel voices, like the SPHR want the opposite. It's ironic that the Israel club at UBC cares more about the Palestinian community in the middle east than the Palestinian club does. 

That said, I want to Canadian Boat to Gaza to fail because allowing unrestricted access to Israel (like any country) would be destructive for Israelis and Palestinians. Canada and the United States, like Israel, have naval security perimeters that are monitored by navy ships to ensure harmful material does not enter their waters. And it will fail. The Israeli Navy will enforce the security perimeter and stop the boat. The anti-Israel voices will spin the event, and use it to put false pressure on Israel.

But if this Canadian Boat to Gaza does make it to Gaza it won't put any pressure on Israel. So the SPHR must, intuitively, want it to fail.

Who say's there's no room for common ground in middle eastern politics. ;) 

The "Sunk Cost" of Gazagate

The 'Sunk Cost' of Gazagate

Although I'm not satisfied with the inconclusive research that the Canadian Boat to Gaza has no objectionable ties, I can gaurentee that none of the $700 will make it to Hamas, in form of weapons and other illegal goods. Okay fine, I can't make that gaurentee personally. But our dear friends in the Israeli Navy can. 

"RAMMING SPEED!"

So the idea to RAM the naval security perimeter around Israel sounds positively Roman. I reckon the SPHR has been watching some classic movies (a move I wholeheartedly support, see the post script).

Okay SPHR, I especially liked Ben Hur too, but remember when the ship he was paddling on (a historical inaccuracy, by the way, because Roman battle ships were not human powered) sank? Maybe the SPHR should have watched the rest of the movie. Not only would it have improved their nautical sensibilities, but they might have noticed that it was the Romans who first gave Judea (contemporary Israel) the name Palestine. The SPHR owes Rome a debt of gratitude. In appreciation, I think their president (who's in charge now, Chabaan?) should rock a roman outfit all the time. How bad ass would that be? Oh, and like a good Roman leader he should talk about himself in the third person. 

"Cesar demands $700 for his Imperial flotilla to his province of Judea... and some grapes... and some wine... and fan me faster, oh AMS, faster I say! - I mean uh, faster, says Cesar."

Of course, the real 'sunk cost' of the boat stunt donation isn't the $700 dollars that's never going to get near Gaza. It's the precedent set that Resource Centers (what an Orwellian name, huh?) can now spend their money on anything they want. And I mean anything. 

I'm not on the IAC Executive (full disclosure: in past years, I was). But I am proud of the work they did. The donation went through - yes. The legal structure of the AMS meant that the Student Council had little recourse. But by catapulting the issue into the public sphere - like Mexican drug smugglers recently tried to catapult marijuana into the United States (I can't get off this Roman thing, eh?) - the IAC demonstrated the absurdity of the Resource Groups, and ignited a wave of calls for fundamental Resource Group reform (oh hai referendum). 

P.S.

Maybe they could do a joint SPHR/IAC movie night? How's about it, Omar/Rael? Surely Charlton Heston transcends political differences. Except when those political differences relate to guns... cause... you know.

WTF

w.t.fuck.

i referenced the 'spartacus youth club' in my last post. it'd been a while since i'd seen them on campus or checked out their website so i thought i'd give it a gander. 


and. it. blew. my. mind.

imma try and use as few words as possible because nothing i write can convey just how crazy this junk is better than this junk itself.

so, uh, enjoy.

http://www.icl-fi.org/english/wv/875/10pp.html

p.s.

word on the street has it that even the infamous 'social justice center' thinks these peeps are insane. that means i agree with the SJC. i don't know who is more troubled by this.

Black Box Theater UBC Has A New Friend...ish

Anonymous Jew-Hating Cowards Publish Anonymous Jew-Hating Nonsense 

Possible Black Box Author/Contributor

So I know calling out Jew-hating anonymous blogs doesn't quite fit within the purview of Caught Red Handed. At C.R.H. we're more about communists. Ordinarily I wouldn't post about an antisemitic-sounding UBC leak site. But then it occurred to me: you know who else hated Jews? Stalin! You know what Stalin was? A communist! HA! Their invidious tactics strike again.

But, rather than break down Black Box Theater's antisemitic and paranoid conspiracy theories,  in appreciation of true art - something communists hate, by the way -  I'll link you to a new online publication that bills itself as the website's "Illustrated Companion and Guide".

Blue Box Gallery is a mysterious little website that popped up today and claims "it's like coles notes or sparknotes but better... cuz it has pictures."

The gallery portrays the blame-the-jooos-for-everything' Black Box article artistically, in pictorial references to the Dreyfus Affair... and Koolaid.

For the greatest appreciation, check out the wacky Black Box article and the wiki page on Dreyfus before you check out Blue Box.

Here be links:

blue box:
http://blueboxubc.tumblr.com/

black box:
http://blackboxtheatre.ca/?p=67

dreyfus (dreyfbox):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dreyfus_affair

FUN FACT OF THE DAY:
Barry Goldwater was half Jewish. That's probably part of the reason why Stalin hated Jews - because he could see the future and knew that communism's greatest nemesis (sorry Reagan, nothing wrong with second place though) would be part Jew. Sort of like Arnold in Terminator (I), Stalin knew from whom his greatest ideological enemy would come and wanted to destroy him pre-existence. Good thing he failed and Skynet didn't launch. But remember, like Skynet, communism can never be stopped forever. Only constant vigilance can keep it bay (hai Spartacus UBC, ya'll suck, by the way).

Update: Defeated Radical Candidate Wants To Fight Me...

"Rory Warned He May Fight You": Election Results Party Goer


But first, a brief (one sentence) update on the original coverage of Rory's campaign. 


Caught Red Handed

Special Story Follow Up: 

Rory Breasail's Candidacy WAS A Big Fucking Joke... Until He Lost.

Now it's just a bad memory. Sources close to Rory say that at the election results party, he threatened to fight me. 

Unlike the left, I abhor violence and love law and order.

So I want to say publicly that I don't accept, Rory. Just because you couldn't assault UBC from within the ranks the AMS executive, doesn't mean you can assault... well... other humans. 

Keep your hands (and your opinions) to yourself. Kthanxbai. 

In The Tough Times, Remember the Good

Last post about the stolen presidential election got you down?


Just remember, none of the SJC (er, knollie) candidates won.


YAAAY! YAAAY! YAAAY!

Every time I think about that, I'm as happy as this kid.

Resign Now! McElroy Disgraces UBC, AMS, Self, With Scandalous Slate

RESIGN NOW!

McElroy Disgraces UBC, AMS, Self,

With Scandalous Slate.

Full Disclosure:

I am not related to, and have not slept with, Jeremy McElroy. I understand this puts me in the minority of authoritative voices on the issue of the elections. I’m okay with that. I hope you, dear reader, are as well.

Yesterday the Ubyssey came out with a bold, if predictable headline.

“McElroy resoundingly elected President”, it proclaimed.

Evidently they didn’t get the memo: it doesn’t count if you CHEAT.

And McElroy did cheat. He cheated. He admitted he cheated. Well, to be fair, he didn’t admit to it, as such. He only acknowledged the evidence that proved he cheated. And he only acknowledged that evidence AFTER everyone else did.

Amazingly, the article went on to discuss how this year’s election was more difficult for Jeremy than his last. “It was way harder [this year]”, Jeremy complains. To his credit: cheating is tough work.  

Elsewhere in the Ubyssey McElroy called the website "immature". Here I think he's being too hard on himself. The slating website wasn't immature. It was clever and probably somewhat effective. But it also clearly broke the election rules by which all candidates were bound. Covertly and intentionally breaking the rules for personal gain is cheating. Again, ill-advised, immoral, and scandalous, but not immature. Anyway, at 22 you're still young yet Jeremy. Don't feel bad, lots of old people cheat too. 

I’m just bewildered how the lamestream campus media isn’t more upset. They’re busier talking about Bijan and his two weeks left in office. When they do discuss the matter, the lamestream media seems to keep saying “he wanted to win REEEEALLY bad, and he put his time in, and he deserved to win… so what if he cheated.”

Are they for real?

the straight facts

For those of who get your news exclusively from ‘Caught Red Handed’, here is the story of stolen election, in brief.

1.   Jeremy McElory and Mitch Wright anonymously co-start a website, ithinkubc.ca, during their respective campaigns for president and vice president external.

2.   They use the website to attack Bijan (who had used his own website, Bijan.ca, to criticize McElroy).

3.   Then Jeremy and Mitch and a still anonymous (possibly non-existent) third party use the website to endorse each other and a slate of other candidates for every position. The mutual endorsements they offer and their joint use of the website as a campaign tool, explicitly violate the election rules which forbid slates.

4.   McElroy and Wright disavow involvement with the website.

5.   Then an enterprising researcher determines that the domain name used for the website is in fact registered to Jeremy McElroy. McElroy and Wright are forced to acknowledge their involvement with the website. McElroy apologizes, and the website is shutdown.

These facts are not disputed. Not even by McElroy. This discussion then, is not a discussion of facts (what happened) but a discussion of consequences (what should happen). To understand this, it is necessary to understand the extent of the McElroy’s misconduct.

In attempting to ascertain those facts, you would be well advised to avoid the Ubyssey’s ‘hooray, Jeremy won, everything’s fine’ article, because interestingly, the Ubyssey doesn’t even mention the crux of the glaringly sinister violation McElroy committed.

They write: “But the bitterness came with revelations that McElroy had… been a contributor to the anonymous blog ithinkubc.wordpress.ca, a site aimed at attacking current AMS President Bijan Ahmadian.”

First, he wasn’t “a contributor”. He was THE founder! That’s why the website was in HIS NAME.

And the funny thing is, if McElroy and his VPX accomplice, Mr. Wright, had made a blog that only criticized Bijan, the situation would be very, very different.

Indeed, at the very least, since Bijan openly criticized McElroy, everyone involved would have recognized McElroy’s absolute right to a response, to publically confront his accuser.

That another candidate contributed to the same Bijan-critical blog would still be troubling, as the Ubyssey rightly notes (credit where credit is due).

But… Wright and McElroy both worked with Bijan. Perhaps McElroy enlisted Wright’s commentary not because he was another candidate, but simply because he was qualified to give it. That might explain collaboration on a website critical of Bijan. (Though this does beg the question of why both did it anonymously – more on that later.)

The Ubyssey maintains that the blog behavior they cite (namely criticizing Bijan) was “slate-like”. They’re 100% right. Two candidates co-writing the same blog to criticize Bijan in the same way would be “slate-like”. But it’s not what happened.

What happened is far, far worse.  

That’s because the blog McElroy and Wright co-started didn’t just criticize Bijan.

IT ALSO ENDORSED BOTH WRIGHT AND MCELROY, AND SOMEONE FOR EVERY OTHER POSITION!

THAT’S NOT SLATE-LIKE. THAT’S SLATE.

THAT’S NOT ‘I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT BUTTER’, THAT’S FREAKIN BUTTERLICIOUS BLAST.

So, to recap, we have: two candidates, endorsing each other, and endorsing a slate of other candidates for every position?

THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A SLATE!

Slate-like? Hardly!

So… McElroy and Wright formed a slate together, this should be clear. The slate they formed endorsed a bunch of other candidates (who, though inextricably linked to this issue, bear no responsibility for it).

a quandary of AMS proportions

Up until this point, I’ve just laid out the facts. Given that McElroy broke the rules some punitive measure is obviously required. Should those measures include disqualification? Should McElroy be allowed to take office if he cheated?

There are three arguments floating around campus for McElroy’s presidential legitimacy, despite his clearly illicit actions:

1)   He got a bunch of votes (they didn’t get the memo, see above)

2)   He said sorry

3)   He promises he won’t do it again

For the sake of clarity, I’ll break these down one by one.

Argument I

McElroy supporters seem to think that since his cheating worked so well and he won by a hefty margin, we shouldn’t let the cheating bother us too much. This seems to be the position taken by the Ubyssey.

The issue with this argument is twofold.

(I wonder what the Ubyssey’s Watergate coverage would have looked like? “BUT NIXON WON THOUGH, DIDN’T YOU HEAR?”)

In the first, we don’t really know if McElroy won (legitimately).

His cheating may have contributed to the votes he received in large enough number that the outcome of the presidential election may have been different without them.

In this case, his cheating is the proximate cause (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proximate_cause) of his victory. In other words: if no cheating, then no victory. And nobody (well, uh, almost nobody – here’s looking at you, Ubyssey) thinks McElroy should be rewarded, WITH THE PRESIDENCY, for cheating.

Furthermore, since nobody, including the university itself is sure if McElroy really represents the authentic feelings of students (you know, before the cheating), nobody, including the university, can engage with him as the rightful leader of the student body.

This is especially important because McElroy has expressed his intention to go head-to-head with the university. An immensely difficult (and in this reporter’s opinion, bad) policy to pursue even with a strong student mandate, it will be nearly impossible in the current situation, which is no mandate at all.

Imagine the negotiation session.

University: X

McElroy: Y

University: But some students think X, too

McElroy: BUT I represent the students because they voted for me, and I think Y

University: You don’t really represent students. Remember? You cheated. Some students think X. We think the rest do too. You have no mandate to speak for students. Therefore, X.)

The second issue is more nuanced.

Even if the illicit actions did not affect the outcome of the election, he still cheated. There’s a moral and a practical issue with having a cheater in office, even if his cheating didn’t induce his win.

The Practical. If he cheated under the intense scrutiny of the elections administration, and with the possibility of being disqualified ever present, what will he do with the immense power and protection of the presidency?

The Moral. Do we really want a cheater to be the highest ranking member in our student society? What kind of message would that send to UBC students, aspiring UBC leaders, and to the other organizations with which the AMS must form bona fide relationships?

Argument II: He said he was sorry.

Response: McElroy only said he was sorry after he was caught.

And at that point his options were limited to “my bad” or, as Immortal Technique famously said, “fuck ya’ll and I’m gone”. He went with the former. Big deal?

“I’m… feeling terrible that I betrayed [people’s trust]” McElroy told the Ubyssey.

That answer satisfied their clearly gifted reporter. Had I been on the case, I would have asked a supplementary question: just when did this terrible feeling sink in? Did it happen to coincide perfectly with the moment you got caught?

I kind of expected the Ubyssey article to add, parenthetically, (read this in a Scooby Doo villain voice for full effect) “and he’d have gotten away with it too, if hadn’t been for those darn blasted kids.”

In considering McElroy’s apology, it is critical to remember how close this issue came to not existing. If he hadn’t been caught, if he had been a little bit more careful, or if others had been a little bit less thorough, nobody might know the truth about the scandal behind ithinkubc.ca.


We still don't know if McElroy did any other sinister slatey things during the election. He hasn't mentioned any. But he didn't mention the sinister slatey things we know he did either, until we found out about them independently.

Argument III: He promises he won’t do it again.

In other words: don’t worry folks, his cheating days are over (now that he won).

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking this a straw man. You’re thinking nobody would be so brazen as to publicly admit they cheated on an election, and then spin it as a positive by saying that they just needed to purge their system of their own pension for fraud.

But it is real. Jeremy himself made the case, when he reassured Ubyssey readers saying “if anything, scandal is out of my system”. Too bad it wasn’t out, you know, before the election.

Of all of the arguments, this one is (as Rory said in a VPX debate) “pretty rich”.

I think at its heart is the idea that it was a mulligan. Like… an “everybody gets one” Spiderman-type thing.

But I’m glad scandal is out of Jeremy McElroy’s system; now let’s get him out of ours.

 the only reasonable solution

You may be surprised to learn that I actually think the elections administration made the right move by not disqualifying Jeremy.

It would have been chaotic. And the Student Council, in all likelihood, would have reversed his decision anyway. Furthermore, it would be tremendously unfair to Michael Moll, who would need to take office amid a firestorm of controversy. Were I in Moll’s position, offered the presidency under such tumultuous circumstances, I might well turn it down.

The only real choices Erik had were: punish McElroy but allow him to win OR throw out the results and call an entirely new presidential election.

I can understand his reluctance to the latter, since it would be immensely costly for the AMS, and put him and his team, and all the candidates, under unimaginable stress.

The move now is McElroy’s. Having won through illegitimate means, he should do the honorable thing and resign. His resignation would be definitive and final. It would allow a leader to take office who could speak with real authority on behalf of students. It is the right thing to do.

This begs the question: it possible to resign from a position you don’t have? I hope so.

---

I want to make one thing very clear: I don’t hate Jeremy McElroy. I don’t even dislike him. In truth, I don’t know him well at all.

I did support his opponent in the election, but I wish Jeremy well. I think he genuinely wanted to be president.

Maybe the cheating was just a one-time slip up. Maybe it was done in the crazy heat of election passion. I’ve run for office before, I know how dizzying it can be.

I think he has done meaningful work on behalf of students in the past, and I admire his commitment. Were he to run again, for any position – including president – and win, without cheating, I would welcome his tenure in office.

But the facts are the facts.

He did cheat. And now, for the good of the AMS and UBC, he needs to resign.

If Jeremy is as committed to the institutions of democracy and the university as I think he is, he will make the mature decision and leave office before he assumes it.  

Initial Thoughts on the Election

first... 

a TEASER:

The next 'Caught Red Handed' article is the most inflammatory and shocking yet. It will detail the sordid affairs of certain candidates and equally unsavory nature of the lamestream* campus media. It will recommend harsh, but necessary action. I wanted to get it out as soon as possible after the elections, but new information continues to come forth, delaying its release but enriching the strength of its argument. Look for it soon. 

*I learned the word 'lamestream' from Sarah Palin, how hawt is that?

---


So as I prepare to dispense some well earned criticism with a healthy side of democratically vigilant scorn, I should be equally liberal (but not in the weird, bad way) with some hearty approbation.

Of course, I must first congratulate all the candidates I supported. Thank you. Thanks for running. Thanks for having the courage to bring a positive message to UBC.

For those of you that won: good going. I look forward to the work you’ll do on behalf of students. I have every confidence that you will live up to the trust UBC has placed in you. I promise to do my part, as an honest journalist, to defend you from iniquitous critics and hold you to your word. There’s nothing as sweet as being called on a campaign promise when you’ve delivered (as I’m sure you will).

For those who didn’t win: don’t take it personally. Politics is a rough racket. Abraham Lincoln lost his senate campaign even after the famous Lincoln Douglas debates. Things turned out alright for him (except the whole assassination thang). So: stay involved. Run again. (And, try not to get assassinated please). 

To all the candidates I didn’t support: (hai Gordon) thanks for a valid contribution to democracy. Even if your message was terrible (hai Rory), your decision to run furthered the democratic discourse on campus. Even if you only served to demonstrate how few students support you (hai Rory), you did important work. Tanx a bundle.

The entire elections team deserves an especially high amount of lavish praise and approbation. Their job is difficult and stressful and thankless. Well, thankless until now. Thanks guys. Though the election was hardly free from scandal, your actions were beyond reproach. You looked damn hot in those purple shirts too.

And Erik, I need to single you out for some additional, blush-inducing compliments. So, first, you’re a baus. Your level-headed reasonableness and your ability to be above-the-influence throughout the entire campaign are truly noteworthy. Your comments regarding the poorly constructed arguments that called Bijan’s private endorsements a slate were right on. Reading your quotes, even though they were published in the (ew) Ubyssey, reassured me that our electoral system was in good hands.

Oh, and the way your arms perfectly filled your purple t-shirt led me to believe you had it custom made to measure. If so, good investment, it looked sharp. If not, I guess you’re just really jacked. Either way, where do you buy your muscle milk? Can I has some?

No commentary on the elections (or UBC politics at large) would be complete without a reference to our friends at the Social Justice Center.  

When I mentioned to an SJC member their entire slate lost (hard), he responded by saying that the 10% of students that voted wasn’t reflective of genuine campus attitudes. I agreed with him. You can be sure, I told him, that all the weirdo politicos and radical activists who comprise the SJC and the other resource groups voted. In contrast, many normal, non-radical UBC students didn’t vote, because they weren’t informed enough or were just plain apathetic. Therefore, the SJC’s appallingly low support was, if anything, higher than it should have been. Higher, indeed, than it would have been had the entire campus voted. Thanks for making a valid point, member of the SJC who shan’t be named (I don’t want such a clever and honest person to be discriminated against in the notoriously judgmental SJC ranks).